She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
