So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
