the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
