Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
