Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
