Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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