I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
