There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She swung at the pinata with crutches
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
