You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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