Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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