Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
