If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
