I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
