maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
