I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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