She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
