Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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