Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
