fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and she was petting her beer can
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
