that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
