apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
