I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she told me i tasted like america
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
