If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
