and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
