I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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