I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
