KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
