Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
