Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pants are for mortals
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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