guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
a search helicopter?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
