What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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