yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Mom said you looked used
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
