I hate all girls vehemently.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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