dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
