yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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