It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
