i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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