I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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