life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
