Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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