The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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