I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
