I cannot find my penis.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize