Umm I'm too high to move.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
