Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
