i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
