put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The best revenge is premature balding
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
