bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
