You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He felt like a one man threesome
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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