Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
