peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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