Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
