when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize