I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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