Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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