We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
