Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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