tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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