I will die if light touches me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
