well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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