I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
