I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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