Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
