Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
