You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
