fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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