I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
