Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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