nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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