Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
operation have a gay friend backfired
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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