All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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