Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize